I Can See Clearly Now, The Wheat is Gone

Disclaimer:  If bad language offends you, do not read this post!


I am now on day eight of what I shall refer to as "the motherfucking diet."  Pardon my offensive language, but no other word is strong enough to describe how I feel when on a diet.  I am trying to look at it as choosing to treat my body in a healthy, loving way, but my body isn't buying it.  My body is screaming, "Bitch, where's the cake?"

I have an addictive personality.  I freely admit it.  In my youth, it was alcohol and other banned substances.  Once I grew up and became a "mature" Mom, I switched completely over to food.  It's a legal substance, and it doesn't generally affect your parenting abilities except when you are arm wrestling the kids over the last bowl of ice cream.

Let me tell you about me and wheat.  Take pizza for example, delicious, oozing, cheesy pizza.  I can start chewing on a piece of pizza.  It's more of an inhale than a chew.  My mood will utterly and completely change.  I calm down.  I get glassy-eyed.  I sit on the couch with a sense of satisfaction and contentment.  In short, I get a bit stoned.  In what is surely a startling coincidence, wheat makes me gain weight!  Ha ha.

I started my Weight Watchers points on Monday.  I do the old school, original points, not the flex points. I don't take points for exercise or I would never lose weight.  And the hardest thing of all for me, I eat very little wheat.

I am subsisting on spinach smoothies, cabbage soup, fat free refried beans,corn tortillas, salad, salad, salad, and Morningstar Veggie Patties, which do contain a bit of wheat.  I have lost four pounds, which isn't bad.  However, with the amount of effort I'm expending, it seems like I should have lost twice that by now.

The worse part is, I'm very, very crabby.  I deal with my moods by eating.  That is what soothes me.  The only other thing that soothes me is jogging.  I was diagnosed with Achilles Tendonitis yesterday so I can't jog for two weeks.  Be afraid of me, very afraid.

The odd thing is how clear headed I feel.  My mind is sharp.  I don't have that usual fuzzy-head, fatigue thing going on.  Nope. I'm wide awake to endure every moment of my food-deprived misery.  Yay me!

If you are a fan of the television show Supernatural, you might recall the season that was about the leviathans  The leviathans were monsters that ate people.  They decided to first make the people docile so they would be easier to slaughter.  So they purchased the company responsible for making corn syrup.  They tweaked the recipe a bit, and everyone who ate processed foods was just standing and staring, in a fog, drugged to the gills, and not giving a crap about much of everything.  Kind of funny, huh?

Are food corporations our equivalent of leviathans?  Keep the people addicted.  They'll keep coming back for more.

Anyway, here I sit sucking on my spinach smoothie, thinking of Little Caesar's Pizza.  It's not the best in the world, but it's cheap and fast.  Hopefully my body adjusts soon and I can think of other things besides all the foods I shouldn't have.  For now, I shall have to remind myself to watch my temper, watch my mouth, and treat those around me with love.  It's not their fault I'm an addict..

A Saturday Run

My last real run was Monday and it was on my treadmill.  After I was done, I noticed both heels hurt a bit, and then I noticed they had odd bumps on the back.  The right one is especially bumpy.

Okay...so of course I went to Doctor Google.  Doesn't everyone?  If I am correct, I have something called Haglund's Deformity.  It happens when your Achilles tendon is tight or somewhat short.  Right where your Achilles tendon hits your heel, the back of your feet get irritated and you form a bump.  Normally this happens to women who wear heels.  I'm 5'9" tall.  I have NEVER been comfortable in heels.  I have been doing hill running though and that can exacerbate it.  Monday is my doctor's appointment. I shall see then.

I forced myself to slow down.  I walked with my husband and son Tuesday.  I jogged a little bit, but just a little bit.  Then I speed walked with a friend on Thursday.  Friday was weights and abs only.

By today I thought, "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"  I'm good at resting if it's because I'm feeling lazy, but not good at resting if it's due to an injury.  That's right.  It has to be my idea.  As one can imagine, I was a total treat when I was a teenager.

Since I am training for an upcoming run, which is how I received the injury in the first place, I decided to add some mileage.  I went to a local park that has a small lake, about a mile around.  I was running on dirt and not pavement and it wasn't too hilly.  I tried to stretch my Achilles tendon well first.  Then around that lake I went.

I was not fast and it is funny how quickly a 55 degree day can feel ever so much hotter.  A cute little boy said hi to me.  I stopped and told him hi back.  He was adorable.  His Mom spent a lot of time out there with him today, just sitting and looking at the geese and the lake.  She's the kind of Mom I would like to be.  I am not nearly so patient.  With my kids, it would be ten minutes of goose gazing and then I would say, "Are we done yet?"  Alternately, I wouldn't mind reading a book while they goose gazed.  But that's not what kids really want.  They want you to look at them and answer their questions and listen to their observations.  So kudos to that Mom for really getting it and being there for her boy.  I should add I'm not the worst parent in the world, but I do not excel at the whole living in the moment thing.

Around the lake I was trotting.  My heel bump wasn't hurting too bad.  I wasn't breaking any speed records, but that is par for the course.  At mile three, I decided to see if I could set a new record for my mile time.  So I started pounding my feet and thinking in my head, "Fast, fast, fast, fast!"  Before a half mile was up, I was already checking my watch.  Was I done yet? Nope.  Fast, fast, huff, fast, puff.  My legs were feeling like lead but I pushed it.  When I was at .8, I was breathing like a locomotive.  Puff, fast, puff, fast, puff.  I pushed on to make it a whole mile, and I set a new speed record, for me.  Then I took time to be really glad nobody was right there at the end of my run to hear me laboring for air like I had just finished a marathon, not a measly mile.  After that, my times were much slower.  There was a lot more walking.  My back hurt and I had worn myself out.

At one point, a fellow jogger waved to me and smiled. I think he was smiling at my red sweaty face.  I don't blame him.  I did look pretty funny.

Finally, finally my six miles were finished.  I went home and took a Motrin because my butt cheeks hurt.  Yes, I said it and I'll say it again.  My butt cheeks hurt.  One day after a run, my daughter became upset with me for moaning, "Oh my ass."  So then I crept up on her and said, "Oh mi culo!"  Snicker.

My butt hurts no more but the back of my right heel is burning and stinging. It is most unhappy with me.  I look at it this way. It will be nice and swollen for my doctor's appointment Monday.

I posted my run to Strava and shared it in my Facebook diet group.  Then I typed, "When I win this contest, I will need to buy some new jogging shoes."  Smack talk is encouraged in the group.  We also post pictures of ice cream and doughnuts and talk about Sees chocolate.  We are masochists, all.

As far as weight loss goes, I am only down two pounds.  I'm trying but it is so much harder to gain it, than it is to lose it.  If it weren't for the money, I would have probably said, "screw it," by Wednesday.

I am glad to be done with the long run for the week.  Tomorrow I go with friends and it is a more manageable three miler.  They are also much better company then my mp3 player.

Apples to Apples

 It might come as quite a surprise to anyone reading, but I like to eat. I like to eat a lot. I probably jog around 18-20 miles a week and I am still gaining weight. That's how much I like to eat. Hey, food is yummy.

 I have the classic apple body shape. I hold a large amount of weight in my belly and around my waist. This is what the experts call heart attack fat. There is also a family history of heart disease so double whammy for me. This should be my wake-up call. Yet, I will never stop loving food.

 Here comes the part that makes me want to cry. I am on a diet, an actual eat less than usual and make it healthy diet. I hate diets. However, a friend on Facebook is having a challenge. She has it every year and I have never joined. Everybody puts in twenty dollars and the top three winners each get a share of the cash. I really, really want some cash. I really, really need a new pair of jogging shoes. I also freely confess that I want to run faster and I am hoping taking off some weight will help.

 I'd like to lie and say I will continue on with my heart nurturing food habits after the contest but I would be lying. Heart nurturing food is so rarely soul nurturing food, now is it? When you are sad because the kids picked on your son at the playground, do you go for the Twinkie or the carrot stick? Yeah, that's what I thought. I know it's not just me. Go to any pot luck and you will see the bacon filled croissants getting snarfed up way faster than the veggie tray. Nobody ever says, "Wow, your veggie tray was the hit of the party." Puh-lease!

 Today I have had a spinach smoothie, a veggie burger, a salad, more carrots on the side, two cups of kettle corn and a few fried veggie sticks. Those are glorified potato chops for those of you not in the know. All I can think of is food. There was a burger commercial on the radio that I have never paid attention to before. Mmmmm burger. My friend Laelee's blog had a strawberry cake recipe. Mmmmm cake. Right now my family's dinner is cooking in the oven. Mmmm curried pork. I'm dying here!

People who say that no food tastes as good as being thin obviously have been eating the wrong fattening foods in the first place. I'm sure they weren't eating cake or pie or chocolate bars. Or maybe they have much greater willpower than I do. There is that possibility.

 I only have to hang on until June 1st. And then...watch out cake. I'm coming for you!