I Can See Clearly Now, The Wheat is Gone

Disclaimer:  If bad language offends you, do not read this post!


I am now on day eight of what I shall refer to as "the motherfucking diet."  Pardon my offensive language, but no other word is strong enough to describe how I feel when on a diet.  I am trying to look at it as choosing to treat my body in a healthy, loving way, but my body isn't buying it.  My body is screaming, "Bitch, where's the cake?"

I have an addictive personality.  I freely admit it.  In my youth, it was alcohol and other banned substances.  Once I grew up and became a "mature" Mom, I switched completely over to food.  It's a legal substance, and it doesn't generally affect your parenting abilities except when you are arm wrestling the kids over the last bowl of ice cream.

Let me tell you about me and wheat.  Take pizza for example, delicious, oozing, cheesy pizza.  I can start chewing on a piece of pizza.  It's more of an inhale than a chew.  My mood will utterly and completely change.  I calm down.  I get glassy-eyed.  I sit on the couch with a sense of satisfaction and contentment.  In short, I get a bit stoned.  In what is surely a startling coincidence, wheat makes me gain weight!  Ha ha.

I started my Weight Watchers points on Monday.  I do the old school, original points, not the flex points. I don't take points for exercise or I would never lose weight.  And the hardest thing of all for me, I eat very little wheat.

I am subsisting on spinach smoothies, cabbage soup, fat free refried beans,corn tortillas, salad, salad, salad, and Morningstar Veggie Patties, which do contain a bit of wheat.  I have lost four pounds, which isn't bad.  However, with the amount of effort I'm expending, it seems like I should have lost twice that by now.

The worse part is, I'm very, very crabby.  I deal with my moods by eating.  That is what soothes me.  The only other thing that soothes me is jogging.  I was diagnosed with Achilles Tendonitis yesterday so I can't jog for two weeks.  Be afraid of me, very afraid.

The odd thing is how clear headed I feel.  My mind is sharp.  I don't have that usual fuzzy-head, fatigue thing going on.  Nope. I'm wide awake to endure every moment of my food-deprived misery.  Yay me!

If you are a fan of the television show Supernatural, you might recall the season that was about the leviathans  The leviathans were monsters that ate people.  They decided to first make the people docile so they would be easier to slaughter.  So they purchased the company responsible for making corn syrup.  They tweaked the recipe a bit, and everyone who ate processed foods was just standing and staring, in a fog, drugged to the gills, and not giving a crap about much of everything.  Kind of funny, huh?

Are food corporations our equivalent of leviathans?  Keep the people addicted.  They'll keep coming back for more.

Anyway, here I sit sucking on my spinach smoothie, thinking of Little Caesar's Pizza.  It's not the best in the world, but it's cheap and fast.  Hopefully my body adjusts soon and I can think of other things besides all the foods I shouldn't have.  For now, I shall have to remind myself to watch my temper, watch my mouth, and treat those around me with love.  It's not their fault I'm an addict..